How I Accepted My Mobility Aid. The Steps I Took.

I had a really tough time accepting my mobility aids – but why? And how did I get out of that thought process?

A few weeks ago, I posted an image on Instagram.

An image of a wheelchair sign with my walking sticks very visible.

In the post I say…

“The first time a wheelchair was brought into my doctor’s office – I refused to sit in it – I didn’t want to – I associated a wheelchair to be limiting and negative – it scared me to think my legs were failing me – I was in denial of my situation.”

 

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A post shared by Shruti Chopra (@footprintsnoboundaries) on May 19, 2020 at 8:13am PDT

After receiving a really interesting response in the comments section and in my inbox, I thought it was worth exploring why it was tough for me and many like me to accept a mobility aid.

And also to understand how to get over that mental battle, the things I did to help me through it.

The Moment it Happened

I have dealt with chronic invisible conditions like endometriosis, adenomyosis, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia since I was around 11 years old.

My health was never visually obvious to the world around me, instead it allowed me to appear normal – which had its pros and cons.

But fast-forward to age 31.

Here I was unable to stand because the pain was excruciating – I felt I was walking on sharp nails and being stabbed by them too. I hobbled my way to the doctor – holding onto support rails in the corridor of the hospital, crying away.

I knew I needed a wheelchair but I thought maybe the doctor would be able to do some magic and save me from the agony.

I won’t go into details about the appointment, if interested, you can read it here though:

• My Journey: Being Diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
• My Experience: Treatments to Manage Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

By the end of the appointment, the doctor (who is now my most favourite doctor ever!) called for a wheelchair.

I refused to sit in it.

My Perception of a Mobility Aid

I associated a wheelchair with negativity – I thought it showed me to be weak, sick, limiting and also, I thought it would direct people’s attention to me with sorry inquisitive looks – the type of attention I didn’t want.

It also meant that I was giving up control, I was giving away my independence – I was at the mercy of the person pushing the wheelchair.

So here I was, thinking all of this while being coaxed by my doctor, her explaining that this was to help me, it was part of the treatment and that I need it if I’m to get better faster.

I didn’t know whether to believe her or not, but I did know that I truly had no choice. Reluctantly and a bit dazed with all that was happening to me, I sat in that wheelchair and gave away my freedom (so I thought).

The Impact on Family

Also, the one thing that hurt the most was seeing my mother’s face – I could see it hit her hard.

As if seeing her daughter struggle wasn’t bad enough, she had to see me in a wheelchair.

The worst days would be when she would have to wheel me around the hospital – that effort and the emotional weight would take a lot out of her.

But now when I look back, I think what worried her the most was not the wheelchair but the fact that we didn’t know what was happening to me. That question mark was what played on her more – and me too – and the rest of my family.

I believe they were all very brave to remind me that they weren’t going to give up on me and that support kept me going.

And, sure the wheelchair was a shock initially, but it never bothered them after that because it made sure I wasn’t aggravating my situation while dealing with the unknown – but, it still bothered me. It meant I wasn’t getting better.

 

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A post shared by Shruti Chopra (@footprintsnoboundaries) on Mar 16, 2018 at 7:45am PDT

My Walking Sticks Arrived

To move around at home, two walking sticks were ordered – they were black and I thought they looked quite cool – from afar.

I’d use them for balance and to reduce the impact on my legs.

I would continue using the wheelchair in the hospital for 18 months, and then eventually I was using walking sticks instead of the wheelchair wherever I went.

Now I didn’t need to be wheeled around, but it also meant my hands were not free, so with me meeting up friends and going to more public places (non-medical places), people would stop and stare – they’d look at me with my walking sticks asking a thousand questions with the random faces they made.

It would make me dislike these sticks.

How I Accepted My Mobility Aids

My acceptance of the wheelchair and eventually my walking sticks didn’t happen overnight. Here’s what helped and what I did to help myself further (in no particular order)…

1. Trying to be Without it:

A horrible reality was when I would try being without the wheelchair in the hospital or without my walking sticks – the pain would hit hard and I’d be reminded of how valuable my mobility aids are.

2. Focussed on What’s Important – My Health:

I reminded myself that I had a bigger issue to deal with – I didn’t know what was wrong with me and my focus needed to be there.

My mobility aids were part of this treatment – they were giving me the opportunity to get to my doctors so that we could figure out my health and a treatment plan.

3. Talking to Myself:

A conversation with myself to help me through the staring and the sorry looks helped me from feeling anger towards others and my sticks – and most importantly it stopped me from being sorry for myself.

So what were these conversations about?

I reminded myself that I am so much more than my bad health.

The fact that despite the bad health, I am making such an effort to step out of my home, my comfort zone – to experience the world out there and interact with my friends was quite a big deal, because each interaction is helping me take care of my mental health – whether it’s going to a café or seeing my doctor, or even just going to sit at the shore on my own. I’m making an effort to live life.

Relevant Read:

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4. Time Made Me Comfortable:

Over time, my acceptance improved.

The initial sadness and shock dies down. The stress lowered as my thought process remained directed towards my health – the diagnosis, the medicines, the diet, how to move etc etc…

The beauty of time is that it keeps moving – nothing remains the same and neither did my thinking of my mobility aids – there came a time when I didn’t even realise I was using one – then someone would stare and I’d remember, but now I wouldn’t dwell on it, instead I’d brush it off and carry on.

5. Became Proud of My Mobility Aids

My mobility aids gave me freedom.

…what a shift in thought, right?

From thinking of them as restrictive, I now believed they gave me freedom.

Each mobility aid, whether it was the wheelchair and now the walking sticks – they all made my life easier. It’s because of them that I was able to reduce the strain on my legs and stopped me from deteriorating further – this makes me so proud.

It makes me proud just knowing what mobility aids help every disabled person achieve (or anyone who has ever needed to use one for any reason).

Mobility aids are brilliant like that 🙂

6. Getting Mobility Aids that Look Good

I use the hospital wheelchairs so I have no control over them, but I am very picky about my walking sticks.

As of now, I have stuck to black walking sticks but I have been eyeing other interesting styles and colours.

The same goes for the splints, the braces and the colour of taping I use – all have to look good to me.

If they’re going to become a part of me and my everyday life then I decided to start being more watchful of how I wanted them to look.

This form of acceptance meant that I was showing love to something I once disliked – it meant that I was willing to be more understanding of my well being. I realised that this sort of dislike wasn’t great on my health and I had to work with the situation the best possible way and acceptance was the first and most important step towards that.

 

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A post shared by Shruti Chopra (@footprintsnoboundaries) on Aug 1, 2019 at 7:49am PDT

7. My Family and Friends Saw Me Rather than the Mobility Aid:

They never looked down upon my use of mobility aids. They were all so supportive and treated me like it didn’t exist.

They saw me for me – they helped me through my struggles – wheeled me around – held my arm when I needed support – and even carried me when needed.

8. The Online Community Displayed Respect:

I was greatly inspired by many people online who were a million times worse off than me but showed so much respect towards their mobility aids.

I’m sure many of them went through their process of denial like I did, but yet today, they speak of their wheelchairs and sticks with such love because their mobility aids improved their quality of life.

….

My misconceptions of how I perceived mobility aids to be changed when I had to use them.

I had never looked down upon anyone who did have to use them, but I guess I never expected to be dependent on them myself.

I learnt quite a lesson the moment that wheelchair was brought into the doctor’s office – I learnt how life can change, how a visual representation of change in the form of a wheelchair can make you choke.

But, in time I learnt that sometimes we have to rework our plans and although that may be tough to do initially but we’re all stronger than we think we are.

Time to sign off – I hope I get to hear from some of you about your experiences with a mobility aid and whether you were able to accept it easily… and even if you haven’t ever needed to use an aid and you know someone who has – what went through your mind when someone you knew needed to use a mobility aid.

Please do share your thoughts in the comments section below… take care of yourself everyone 🙂

If you’re a social media person, then you can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest.

 

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A post shared by Shruti Chopra (@footprintsnoboundaries) on Feb 10, 2019 at 6:26am PST

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.