What should friendships be about? How many friends do we need? It’s tough when you’re dealing with a chronic condition or any life issue to make and maintain friends. So in all this, how do you recognise a good friend? Listen here to know more, but if you can’t have a listen, then you can read what I’ve said too:
Just a Few Good Friends
“Helloooo, I’m Shruti and this is my podcast space where I speak about life lessons, chronic conditions, mental and physical health tips and experiences.
Please note that this podcast is available in text format on my website allthingsendometriosis.com in the podcast section. And very importantly, this podcast does not aim to substitute any medical advice because I am not a medical professional. I’m just sharing what I’ve observed and learnt over time.
Now I hope you have all been keeping well during these Covid times. It’s also a time many of us have made an effort or well…have been forced to evaluate different aspects of our life.
I get to hear how I don’t let a lot of people into my life – I hear it quite often so recently it made me think about friendships.
Very early on when I was small, I saw that having strong friendships was a way to have fun, to socialise.
I thought when I grow up, I’ll also have such strong bonds with my friends – we’ll also grow together. But either the friends moved to a different country or I did.
It may sound exciting for some – to make new friends, but not for me. Having gone through a lot of bullying, making new friends feels like such a tiresome task. It also means restarting – it means working to build trust again.
And also, adults have a lot more baggage than kids – a history. They have their triggers and their skeletons. They’re more guarded and they’re just as hesitant as you and I are. But we don’t necessarily see that.
I socialise on the surface of it all – not letting anyone in. It may sound like I’m being protective, which I am, but more than that it can be exhaustive to let someone in, share your story and for that person to not be able to take it or maybe use it against you.
But there is hope – there are times in very rare moments when I do trust and it’s in some of these instances that a few decided to stick around – people I can be myself with and they can be themselves too – people who appreciate me being straight up and I value their opinion. It’s a nice give and take.
Including friends who live in a different country and those who stay in the same city as me – I can count them on one hand.
Yep. Just one hand! 😀
It may not seem like a lot of people, but what time, age and life teach you is that you really need just a few good friends. That inner circle that has trust, respect and understanding – a space that encourages – wants to see each other do well, a place where it’s safe and comfortable.
I see people running after more friends and wanting to socialise more yet feeling empty when it comes to the quality of people in their lives.
They forget to differentiate between real bonds and those they just socialise with. They believe these relationships and connections to be real rather than realising that these are just on the surface.
This leads to emptiness – something that can creep up on us – silently.
In the noise of all the loud conversations, parties and various forms of socialising we don’t realise that we may not have the right quality of people around us.
But then we do realise it, when it’s all silent. That’s when there is this craving for better friendships.
Also in the noise of our work-social-school-family life we may not recognise our real friends – we may lose the well meaning ones who look out for us because at the time we may not agree with them – we may think they’re stopping our ways or might believe they think too highly of themselves… or whatever we may think.
I’ve gone through experiences where I’ve let people in, known them for years, see them go off on a harmful path – warned them, done what I could to look out for them only for them to be offended.
I’ve walked away and years later have them tell me that they now see what I was trying to do – unfortunately, it’s too late for them – they’ve messed up and now they’re picking up the pieces.
I’m around, but I choose to not help them pick up their pieces – not because I am mean or that I’m getting sadistic pleasures or that I am bad friend, but because there are some things that are not for me to fix – these are not my lessons to learn and considering I have my own chronic conditions to take care of which comes with limited energy – in that time, I need to build my life.
Today I may have friends that I can count on one hand but that also means these are people who haven’t been scared by my troubles and I haven’t by theirs. It also means that it’s a place of comfort. It doesn’t mean that the number of people can’t grow, but it means that I’ve learnt how important quality is in my life – how we must look to simplify our life.
All we need are just a few good friends.
Before I end and before you message me and ask – how do we recognise the good ones out of a crowd of people?
If I haven’t made it apparent already and you’re okay for me to repeat myself – I feel, people who encourage, people who listen or really hear you, people who stick around, people with whom you can be yourself with, people who are upfront with you and wish to see you do well is the company to keep more of.
They may not always turn into people who become a part of that inner circle but at least they’re better for your mental health and improved quality of people is a good way to also improve your quality of life.
Over time we have to listen to our instincts, remind ourselves of the right and the wrong and as we meet people we begin to understand how to distinguish people who are right for us and not.
What we really need are just a few good friends. Not a crowd. The simpler we keep our lives, the simpler equations we have – the more we can be ourselves and that’s such a nice way to live.
Okay I want to end by saying a very special “thank you” to my friends. I am extremely grateful that you’ve stuck around through some tough phases and are always normal with me yet very protective. You understand my struggles yet you’re always backing me up, giving me strength. Thank you so much for being my few good friends – you’re all very special to me – very very special to me.
So… What do you think about having friends? Do you have a lot of friends or is your life minimalistic in that department like me?! How important are friends for you?
You know I’d love to hear from you about it – please message me on Instagram, DM me- my Insta handle is @footprintsnoboundaries or through email, which is [email protected].
Thank you for listening to another episode… take care of yourself – b-bye!!”
Read Here For:
- How I Built Confidence, One Breakfast at a Time
- Podcast Ep 20: Do You Seek Approval?
- Podcast Ep 15: Why is Curiosity Important for Success?
- My Night-Time Routine While Having a Chronic Illness
I’d love to know what you thought of today’s podcast. Please do share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Previous: Podcast 25 – My Experience: How to be Body Positive?
Up Next: Podcast Episode 27 – Is Being “Okay” Enough?
(text version will be posted next Sunday, but if you would like to hear it on Spotify, then you can here)
If you’re a social media person, then you can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest or YouTube.
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.
I really relate to this. I’m definitely someone who just needs a few good friends because surface relationships tire me out. It can be discouraging sometimes because it seems like as soon as a make a friend, they move away.
I so agree, a handful of true friends is far better than a lot of ‘so, so’ friends. Having those who support is far better in my opinion, with deeper connection and support. Love my online friends too though!! 🙂
I differentiate between ‘friends’ and ‘positive aquaintences’. I’ve got a small and growing circle of friends, many of whom I’m not in constant/consistent contact with, but who I know that if I reach out, they’ll be glad to hear from me and vice-versa. Positive acquaintances are people who I’ve met and have generally positive feelings towards, but who I don’t know deeply enough to become friends with. That’s my pool of potential friends. One thing I’ve realized is I simply don’t have, and have never had a ‘best friend’ other than having romantic/sexual partners who fit that role during our relationship(s). Finding true friends who value you can be hard, especially with a chronic condition, but we all deserve that sense of comraderie!
How are you so wise at your age Shruti?! I can tell that you have a great connection with your mom and dad. You’ve been given tools for handling the things life has thrown at you. Yes, just a few good friends. It actually is really tiring trying to keep up the surface social life. Looks fun, but really not fortifying.
Well said Shruti. I think I can count my number of friends on one finger haha. Adults do come with more baggage and suspicion too it’s true. Having said that I do need to find more good friends just to keep things in perspective!
I loved this post! Like you, I have a few good friends and the rest are acquaintances. I have a large social network, but most of those people don’t know the real me. They know what I choose to share when they see me online or if they ever see me out. (It’s rare to see me outside my home these days.)
The key to friendship with me is being able to reach out when I want to or have a friend reach out when they want to – no matter how much time has passed – and still go back to that same place of friendship. This is a very special thing to me and only a few friends do it. Those are the friends I can count on one hand. 🙂