How you speak to yourself can play a large role in how you feel. In this podcast I share how I changed this for myself – the things I did so that I could have better conversations with myself. Listen here to know more, but if you can’t have a listen, then you can read what I’ve said too:
How do You Talk to Yourself?
“Helloooo, I’m Shruti and this is my podcast space where I speak about life lessons, chronic conditions, mental and physical health tips and experiences.
Firstly an apology if you hear sound around me, there is some construction going on so just in case that hits your ear, I’m really sorry about that.
Okay so please note that umm this podcast is available in text format on my website allthingsendometriosis.com in the podcast section. And very importantly, this podcast does not aim to substitute any medical advice because I am not a medical professional. I’m just sharing what I’ve observed and learnt over time.
Do we hear ourselves when we speak to ourselves…?
Let’s think this one through.
Do you hear what you say to yourself? How you say it, the tone you use towards yourself?
Is your inner conversation with yourself too lenient – constantly pampering yourself, justifying your faults… or are you on the other end? Aggressive… harsh with yourself? Believing you’re not doing enough or aren’t good enough?
Or are you a mixture of both depending on the situation?
Really please think about this…. think about how you speak to yourself.
Maybe when you try thinking about it suddenly like this as you hear my voice, you may not realise how you speak to yourself…but maybe try being more conscious now.
Over the course of the next few days, be more conscious of your conversation with yourself.
Do you mainly talk to yourself about others? Or about yourself or the things that matter to you? Is it mainly work? or finances? or love?… and then observe your tone, the language you’re using and how it makes you feel.
Some people mumble away at themselves – observe those mumbles as well!
So you’ve observed… now what?!
There have been phases where I observed that I was being very forgiving towards myself and not holding myself accountable for not doing things that would help me… I’d find excuses and vindicate myself.
Then there have been phases where I’ve blamed myself – told myself how I could do better – how I’m not living up to my potential or that I should’ve listened to my instincts or seen a particular situation coming at me from a mile away etc etc you know it’s a vicious cycle that we go round and round and sometimes self-blame.
For a long time I was stuck between either of these mindsets which came through in how I spoke to myself.
A mixture of what I could actually do because of my health, what I was potentially capable of doing, what others expected of me, what I expected of myself and the situations I was in all contributed to the mayhem in my mind.
I’d meditate and feel better for a short while, but I’d go through phases where I couldn’t retain that sense of balance in me.
I wanted to shut off all the noise.
If you’ve heard an earlier podcast of mine on the Art of Getting Angry, you may remember I spoke of how I observe my day every night as I lie in bed – I observe as an outsider.
It was while doing this daily activity of mine, I noticed that I wasn’t having the best conversations with myself. I’d even forgotten to laugh because I wasn’t having fun conversations with myself any more.
I decided that I would change how I spoke to me.
Just as I would be kind, motivational, happy, strict but understanding with others, I decided to apply that to my conversations with myself – I spoke to me like I would to another person with a smile on my face.
Obviously I knew all the ins and outs of my thinking better than I would of another person, which at times made me lenient or too harsh with myself.
This was the challenge.
I knew too much.
Even then, I stuck with my strategy of speaking to me as if I was a third person.
So what does that really mean?
Umm… okay… so let’s say I tell myself off for not completing a blog post – which again as you may know from another podcast that I don’t like writing, it doesn’t come naturally to me. So if I didn’t write because I procrastinated, or I wasn’t well, or something else came up… I’d choose to not focus on the reason and go into the whole conversation of justifying it – it didn’t matter, it didn’t happen and most importantly, it isn’t the end of the world, instead, I’d quickly remind myself of my mission behind that work and as I would do with another person, I’d set myself a realistic deadline and focus on getting the work done.
Thing is, if I start focussing on telling myself that I was lazy, or stupid or even say stuff like “this is why you won’t grow because you get distracted” or even worse, if I say “just because you’re sick you can’t keep using that as an excuse”!
Ugh… Yes I am extremely guilty of saying that. I have said all these things to myself at some point in my life… I am very guilty of being mean to me. Thankfully I’m not any more.
I know my truth… I know me well. I know that I have constant love for myself and respect for the life and capabilities I’ve been blessed with …and yes this is my constant. No lie I promise.
Look… plans and deadlines are created to help give me structure which I need to help me function with my health conditions but they’re not the be-all and end-all of my existence. I have to keep room for new ideas, new problems to solve, or even old problems that resurface… annoyingly.
Too much structure takes away the fluidity of life, it takes away from creativity… and creativity for me comes when I am kind, realistic and happy towards myself.
Please note… I am not saying “creativity for me comes when I am kind, realistic and happy WITH myself”, I’m saying “creativity for me comes when I am kind, realistic and happy TOWARDS myself.”
I am giving myself this, I’m not expecting myself to achieve something before I feel that way. There’s a subtle but massive difference here.
How we speak to ourselves creates the right mental environment for us to thrive. Mother yourself, be the boss, be the lover, be the friend… play all these roles and more, but don’t play the enemy in your own life.
As I end, I would love for you to listen to Episode 9 – The Benefits of Admitting Your Wrongs. I somehow feel that that podcast and today’s one connect very well – there could be others, but this one suddenly came to mind.
That’s it. Time to ask you all to message me your thoughts on Instagram DM, my Insta handle is @footprintsnoboundaries and my email is [email protected].
Thank you for listening and sharing. Have a good one everybody.. b-byeeee”
Read Here For:
- MRI & Claustrophobia. An Error That Changed My Approach
- Podcast Ep 15: Why is Curiosity Important for Success?
- Podcast Ep 14: Finding Joy in Your Own Company
- Can Endometriosis Kill You?
I’d love to know what you thought of today’s podcast. Please do share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Previous: Podcast Episode 21 – How I Give & Take Advice | Constructive Criticism
Up Next: Podcast Episode 23
(text version will be posted next Sunday, but if you would like to hear it on Spotify, then you can here)
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.
It often comes down to that saying “speak to yourself the way you would a close friend” I find. Being kind, compassionate but also honest when needed. Self-talk in the right way is so important – great topic for discussion Shruti!
I used to have horrible, negative, and rather cruel self-talk. I had no self-compassion for myself at all. And no self-worth. So I was quite brutal on myself and, I mean wow, in a way I would Never be to any other person. However, now that I am aware of it and why I was like that I filter myself and weed those out… replacing them with more accurate or realistic thoughts… over time my brain is not quite so brutal. We definitely have to watch what we say in our heads and out loud about ourselves…. our brains believes us.
Definitely was very harsh on myself. Self-critical and self-blame… and Never gave myself a break ever. Blamed myself for things that I had no ownership in even. And I really had extremely high standards for myself given how chronically ill I am… I should have had some self-compassion. So I had to give myself a break. And I had to have some self-compassion. And be realistic with my goals. And build my self-worth back up. It is a slow process.
It really is ironic that we rarely pay attention to how or how much we talk to ourselves and how that influences everything in our lives. Thanks for another great podcast!
Talking to myself helps me become more confident. Being faithful to what I believe I can, I will be able to achieve my goal. I start to love myself more, laugh at my mistakes and flaws and live life at the present.
That’s so good – thank you for sharing this Angel. Many of us can learn from this.