Podcast Ep 21: How I Give & Take Advice | Constructive Criticism

We all love giving advice, but I’ve always felt there is a way to give and take constructive criticism or advice. That’s what I speak about in today’s podcast. Listen here to know more, but if you can’t have a listen, then you can read what I’ve said too:

How I Give & Take Advice | Constructive Criticism

“Helloooo, I’m Shruti and this is my podcast space where I speak about life lessons, chronic conditions, mental and physical health tips and experiences.

Please note that this podcast is available in text format on my website allthingsendometriosis.com in the podcast section. And very importantly, this podcast does not aim to substitute any medical advice because I am not a medical professional – I’m just sharing what I’ve observed and learnt over time.

We’re all great advice givers… we’re all brilliant with telling the other person the steps they can take to do better. We’re like that with all sorts of advice.

But do we really know how to give constructive criticism? And equally importantly, do we know how to take it if we’re on the receiving end of this advice or constructive criticism?

So here’s a few things I’ve learnt over the years and I’m sure living more of life will teach me more, but for now, here’s what I’ve learnt about giving and taking advice.

So, let’s begin with giving advice…

1. Unless someone is asking or even hinting at wanting my advice, I don’t give it.

2. If I’m really eager to give my two cents, especially if I know the person well and if I believe they’re digging a hole for themselves then I ask… “hey are you open to some advice…” or “are you telling me this to get some advice or are you just sharing it all with me?”

If the person says “no, I don’t need the advice” – then I bite my tongue and resist the temptation to say anything!

3. What if it’s something major and I really need to say something, then I wait a while and tell them, yes I do, I tell them what I need to but through a story – maybe a story of what I experienced or someone I know experienced when they were in a similar situation.

This way I’m not being confrontational with my advice, and I’m neither am I putting anyone down indirectly, instead I’m just giving information through a story format which doesn’t impose.

Then it’s up to the listener to decide what they wish to do with that information.

4. If I do need to give constructive feedback, I do my best to point out the good things and then look to suggest…something like… “hey have you thought of looking at it from this other perspective?”, or “how would it look if we changed the yellow into blue and then compare?”… Again, this keeps the decision making power with the one seeking advice or needing advice.

They have all the control in the conversation.

5. Also a very important point. If I’m looking to give advice then I first need to be a good listener, whether that’s in understanding the problem and the response I get while giving the advice.

Now let’s get onto taking advice or constructive criticism.

1. If I’m being offered advice when I haven’t asked for it, I do my best to remain calm and hear the person out – I never know what I might gain from it and I quietly accept the advice.

Acting or not acting on it or …it’s then just really my choice at the end of it.

I don’t feel imposed.

2. What if the person giving the advice hasn’t heard me properly and is insisting on their advice and what if I can’t take it anymore.

I take a deep breath, thank them for the advice and let them know that I’m good.

If they’re still insistent then I politely say that I would appreciate not getting any more advice.

I realise that many can’t do this – but when you have chronic conditions like I do, you do tend to get loads of unsolicited advice and it can make you feel as if you’re not doing enough, or that you don’t even understand yourself – so for the sake of my mental health, I prefer to politely tell people I’m good so that it doesn’t begin to intrude in areas I’m not comfortable with.

I think it’s so much better to just be upfront and clear.

3. If I’m getting advice from someone I respect and… or I’ve asked advice from then I’m an eager listener, mentally making points for more questions to ask if I need clarity. And I am open enough to say that I don’t understand something.

I become a good student and a good listener.

I don’t go defensive with my decisions or my ideas, instead the constructive criticism easily turns into a healthy discussion where I can give my point of view as well and let them know my thought processes behind a particular idea or a decision.

And that’s really how it should be – it should be a healthy conversation – open and freeing, even insightful. Constructive criticism shouldn’t be an attack on someone instead, it should be helpful.

So how do you give constructive criticism and advice? Or how do you take it? I’d love to know because until you guys don’t share with me, I won’t get to learn!! So to get in touch with me, over Instagram, my Insta handle is @footprintsnoboundaries or over email [email protected].

Thank you so much for listening and supporting. Bye everybody!”

Read Here For:
Is My Pain Real or Imagined? How to Get Rid of Self-Doubt When Having a Chronic Illness
How To Work From Home if You Have a Chronic Illness
Podcast Ep 18: From School Bullying to Adult Bullying – What I’ve Learnt
Podcast Ep 11: Manipulation. Manipulator. Manipulated.

I’d love to know what you thought of today’s podcast. Please do share your thoughts in the comments section below…

Previous: Podcast Episode 20 – Do You Seek Approval?

Up Next: Podcast Episode 22 – How do You Talk to Yourself?
(text version will be posted next Sunday, but if you would like to hear it on Spotify, then you can here)

If you’re a social media person, then you can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest or YouTube.

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.