Podcast Ep 4: Are Our Problems Really Our Own?

Worrying about our problems is like quick sand and very easy to fall into and tough to get out of, but how many times are those problems are own? And how do we get out of this quicksand? That’s what I speak of in this podcast.

I felt it was important to address this on a general basis, but I wish to remind my fellow spoonies and their caregivers, that we too fall into this trap – we worry because being unwell can be scary.

Here’s is a link to the podcast, but if you can’t have a listen, then the text of it is below:

Are Our Problems Really Our Own?

“Helloo… I’m Shruti Chopra and in this podcast space, I speak about life lessons, chronic conditions, mental and physical health tips and experiences.

Recently, well in my last podcast I spoke about two things that helped me through tough mental and physical phases during school years and how those lessons and practices help me even today – the first was my gratitude journal, which I’ve already spoken of, the second was the weekly school counselling sessions I went for.

During these one-on-one sessions I learnt many lessons and every lesson helped shape a stronger mind despite having a weaker body. I believe that it’s because of this stronger mind that I’ve been able to help the body get through so much.

And today I want to speak about one of the most important lessons I learnt through these counselling sessions… the lesson was on ‘problems’.

I learnt to recognise four things about ‘problems’ and asked myself:

1. what is the problem?
2. is that really a problem?
3. is the problem mine? and
4. can I do something to resolve or ease the problem?

This may seem quite easy to do, but trust me, most of us tend to muddle this up real bad and create way too much chaos and confusion before we even get to recognising, answering and resolving the four questions I’ve just listed.

As an 11 to 18 year old I was bullied at various stages. I was bullied about how unwell I’d always be, how I always did well in class and how I looked. Other kids were mean and lacked empathy.

Then, at the same time I was dealing with health issues, debilitating pain, two surgeries and a few other problems.

It was all quite overwhelming for me, it was all new to me.

I was a really good athlete and loved playing sport but suddenly, within a month, because of my polycystic ovarian syndrome and endometriosis issues, that all changed, my joint pains increased, which I now know is because of the Ehlers-Danlos syndrome I have – I just wasn’t the same kid anymore.

So during one of my counselling sessions, I listed a range of issues, from my health, the bullying, various concerns I had for each family member, some close friends, some other random problem…

I blurted it all out because I felt the burden of it, I needed to get it out of me.

Which, I did… but honestly, sometimes you need techniques that help you reduce the burden and just by blurting it all out wasn’t going to arm me well enough to tackle this if I was to face it again.

This is where my school counsellor stepped in.

She asked me to look at each problem individually, put them in sections under two headings – is the problem mine or is it someone else’s and then figure out the problem in each.

I soon realised that the 10 problems that I was carrying on my shoulders, had in fact nothing to do with me, or I would realise that I can’t actually do anything about those problems. Or that I was probably left with maybe just 1 or 2 problems that were mine to handle and then we would develop a strategy to tackle those.

This technique allowed me to be more logical and realistic. This segregation of issues brought clarity.

I began to realise that I also need to trust others to handle their issues – I can be there for them, but most of the time, I can’t really do much else that would resolve their issues.

I can only tackle what’s mine. I can work on my health – come up with a strategy for that, I can work on how I wish to tackle bullies, whether in school or adult life, I can work on my skills rather than worry about my finances.

Actually let me give you an example. If I am struggling with my financial health, I ask myself – to answer the four questions honestly

1. what is the problem? – the problem is I don’t have enough money
2. is that really such a problem? – yes because it’s not enough to survive – or maybe no, it’s not such a problem because despite the issues, I have enough to get by this phase
3. is the problem mine? – as a kid, it wasn’t my problem, as an adult today, yes it is my problem.
4. and can I do something to resolve the problem? – Yes I can, I can focus on generating work rather than focussing on the figure reflecting in my account because staring at it, worrying about it, won’t magically improve it.

This suddenly creates a shift towards practicality where I look to strategise and get things moving. My energies are now directed towards something productive and positive.

Try these four questions during any problem… sometimes, there really is no actual problem to solve and sometimes the problem isn’t yours to handle.

It’s a great way to ease the unnecessary stresses we carry and calm us down.

So I hope this helps someone out there… I hope it helps to improve focus rather than worry like crazy when many times, it can be avoided.

Now that’s it from me.

If you have some thoughts on this, then please do get in touch either through email [email protected] or through Instagram @footprintsnoboundaries.

Take care everyone!…B-byee!”

Read Here For:

• Tips: How to Manage School Work, Bullying and Endometriosis
• Explaining: What Is A Spoonie? What Is ‘The Spoon Theory’?
• My Endometriosis Diet Friendly – Chia Seed Chocolate Pudding Recipe

Up next: Podcast Episode 5 – Being Taken for Granted and Learning to Say ‘No’

Previous: Podcast Episode 3 – How Do I Recognise the Abundance in My Life?

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.