Does bullying stop when you become an adult? Are adult bullying and bullying by kids the same? How did I tackle bullying in school and in adult life? Listen here to know more, but if you can’t have a listen, then you can read what I’ve said too:
From School Bullying to Adult Bullying – What I’ve Learnt
“Hi, I’m Shruti and this is my podcast space where I speak about life lessons, chronic conditions, mental and physical health tips and experiences.
Please note that this podcast is available in text format on my website allthingsendometriosis.com in the podcast section.
I was bullied in school through multiple years, in different schools by different people. The kids were mean but I continued to excel in school while dealing with my chronic conditions.
In my early teens, my school’s Head of Year teacher saw my health struggles and the bullying and suggested that I go through school counselling.
I have said this on various occasions and I will never EVER stop saying this and sharing this with people that the lessons I learnt and the things I was made aware of through counselling live with me even today and help me when I get stuck.
Before I jump into those lessons, I want to speak about the actual topic that led me to revisit those lessons.
So being bullied as a kid, I believed that bullying was only restricted to mean kids but things changed as I got older and I saw that adult life has adult bullies!!
I was surprised because I thought I had left that behind because I was all grown up and adults are supposed to be wiser, nicer and more mature in thinking and behaviour!
But I was wrong.
Instead, I saw a lot of similarities to how I was bullied as a kid and how adult bullies behaved. It was all the same, from mean kids, to now, mean adults.
So what are these similarities?
Just like bullying kids, adults can find ways of pulling you down, whether it’s how you speak, the accent in which you speak in, how you look, what you wear, your ideas, your way of living..
You name it, and there will be a way to make fun of you, make you feel like you’re beneath them, you’re not good enough and even treat you as if you don’t belong.
Adults, again, just like kids, create their own clubs or groups. To be a part of it, you need to be a certain way and do certain things but even then you can be sniggered at and gossiped about – but all we really want is to fit in and not face such ugly attention.
And umm… yes, men gossip too… to all those who tell me that it’s just women – you’re so wrong. Men definitely gossip.
Now okay, the problem is that whether it’s kid bullies or adult bullies they don’t like you doing well – their insecurity is so high, their disbelief that someone else can do well consumes them and then there are those for whom it’s fun – they get a sick kick out of it.
Frankly, It’s a pathetic way to treat people – why? Because whether you’re a child, a teenager or an adult it can be very tough for many to digest being treated so unfairly.
It leads to self harm, whether that’s mental self harm or physical self harm.
When it comes to mental self-harm many start to believe what these bullies say – whether that’s from subtle digs at the workplace, or shared jokes by friends or family that look to reflect your supposed inadequacies. Bullies try to penetrate and break mental resolve under the garb of “harmless fun”.
Strangely, some parents believe that it’s a good way to harden their child – make them tougher, especially if it’s for their son.
And I’ve also seen parents bully their kids by pushing them towards success as if that’s the be-all and end-all of life rather than the focus being on enjoying what you do, how you are as a person and arming them with essential life skills.
So it’s a lot of topics mixed in one but the point is, how well are we equipped to handle the nastiness of bullying?!
Many are truly not, which is why physical self-harm has become an option – it’s when bullying takes an ugly turn and drives people towards suicide.
Yes there are various reasons why people do it, but bullying is a reason worth looking at.
So what led me to talking about this today…?
Recently I was reading an email someone sent me about a blog post I wrote on my website which was on How to Manage School Work, Bullying and Endometriosis. It was in that that I shared tips my school counsellor gave me.
The email said how those tips resonated with her as she is facing bullying in her adult life. It reminded me of all the occasions I faced adult bullying too and realised how those tips learnt over 20 years ago subconsciously helped me deal with those adult bullies.
So I thought of sharing what I learnt…
But before I share what I learnt, please please please remember, I am not a medical professional, or a qualified counsellor, I am just sharing what I learnt as a teenager and I urge you to seek the right professional help for your needs and if you know someone who would be benefitted by a professional then please help them out.
Okayyy… here goes…
During the phases of bullying as a teenager and as an adult, I reminded myself 7 things I learnt from my counsellor…
1. I reminded myself of my own capabilities which in-turn helped me to remind myself of my truth and where I stand – I didn’t equate where I stood with any of the successes I had achieved but with what I know about myself.
2. No one else really knows me, my journey, my experiences, how I feel or where I come from so how can anyone else’s judgement hold value for me?
3. I am not responsible for what someone thinks or feels about me when I clearly haven’t done anything to them to feel so negatively about me.
4. Other people’s issues are not mine to solve.
5. My issues are mine to solve.
Because I found that bullies have a lot of unresolved issues and I happened to be their outlet which is unfair for sure but it showed me more about the sort of troubled mind they have which like I said, aren’t mine to solve – instead I would feel a bit sorry for anyone who would look to trouble me unnecessarily.
This also made them less scary or not scary at all, which then mentally makes them easier to manage.
6. I reminded myself of my focus which is to balance my life by working on my health and my quality of living.
And no. 7. I reminded myself to always be truthful to myself.
The most important thing that counselling with regards to bullying taught me was that I needed to detach myself from each conflict that was created in my mind by others.By doing the 7 things mentioned repeatedly until it wasn’t ingrained in me and by separating myself from the issues others had that they happened to project on to me, I was able to become more resilient which helped me deal with adult bullies.
I do understand that we’re all different which is why, I’ll say this again, if troubled, we should seek help so that we can figure out a formula that will work for us while living through such a phase.
Also, I never saw myself as a weak person or a strong person. I have always seen myself to be someone who sticks to her path by being truthful to herself. I’m just someone who works on keeping the faith in myself alive.
But unfortunately there are many who lose that faith and according to the World Health Organisation, India, the country I am in has the highest suicide rate in South-East Asia – it’s a very sad fact and I know all of it is not down to adult bullying, but adult bullying does hurt mental health so please be kind to one another – there really shouldn’t be any other way to be.
I’ll say this once again, if you need to talk, please never be shy about reaching out to someone you’re close to and if that’s not possible either, then please seek a counsellor or a mental health helpline. There are options out there, please use them.
Now If there is a particular issue you wish to share when it comes to adult bullying.. or maybe an experience you’ve had as a in childhood with other bullies while growing up then please do let me know and if you’re okay with me talking about it in a podcast then please let me know that as well. Names would remain anonymous but sharing your story just helps to get the word out there to those who feel alone in this.
Please feel free to direct message me on Instagram. My Instagram handle is @footprintsnoboundaries. Or you can email me on [email protected].
Thank you for listening everyone… Thank you for being so supportive. Please take care of yourself… and until next time… byeee..!”
Suicide Helpline from Around the World:
India:
– icallhelpline: 0915 29 87821
– Or also check out Aasra, their number is 9820466726 and they have listed the helplines based on the state you live in as well: http://www.aasra.info/helpline.html
UK:
– NHS have listed various numbers on their website https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/
USA:
– National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Their website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
If you are deaf or hard of hearing then their website has a chat facility too.
Canada:
– Crisis Services Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Website: https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/
Their website has text/chat service too. Text number: 45645
Singapore:
– Samaritans of Singapore: 1800 211 4444
Website: https://www.sos.org.sg/
Their website has text/chat service too.
Taiwan:
– Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1925
Australia:
– LifeLine number: 13 11 14
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Their website has text/chat service too.
New Zealand:
– LifeLine number: 0800 543 354
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.nz/
Text ‘HELP’ to: 4357
Read Here For:
- Podcast Ep 15: Why is Curiosity Important for Success?
- Podcast Ep 11: Manipulation. Manipulator. Manipulated.
- My Thoughts & Tips: Chronic Illness and Relationships
I’d love to know what you thought of today’s podcast. Please do share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Previous: Podcast Episode 17 – How to Create Health Goals & Stick to Them!
Up Next: Podcast Episode 19 – How to Find Humour to Ease Anxiety & Stress
(text version will be posted next Sunday, but if you would like to hear it on Spotify, then you can here)
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.
I think that detachment is so important. Any time I have been bullied, or someone has attempted to do it, I’ve noticed that they tend to be insecure people themselves trying to feel good about themselves by being ‘powerful’ in their eyes (obviously bullying is not giving of any form of positive power). I think staying true to yourself is the best course, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hurtful many times.
Bullying does really take a mental toll on the victim, and isn’t healthy for anyone all round. Thanks for sharing and speaking up against bullying!