Can a chronic condition change your personality? Would I have been different had I not been managing chronic conditions? These questions may not seem like they’re worth answering because it’s all hypothetical (and can induce a bit of sadness) – but it is in fact a very valuable question.
Please note that these Spoonie Thoughts are purely based on my own experience. I’m not speaking for the spoonie community as a whole, but if some of you resonate with it then that’s coincidental (but I’m glad you connect with it). I am also not looking to offend anyone, I’m just saying what I’ve experienced.
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Does Chronic Illness Change You?
Before I jump into answering that question, if you’d prefer, then you can watch a video version of this blog post, otherwise just scroll on to continue reading 🙂
There isn’t a simple answer to this and I could just give you a generic reply by saying that every experience we face in life be it temporary or forever teaches us and changes us.
But I’m not looking to give you a generic answer and I also want to share how important the answer to this question is for me, and people like me who struggle with their health in the hope to be a voice of how big a challenge this is.
So I always wondered if I would’ve been a different person had endometriosis, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and a whole host of other conditions had not come into my life.
I think my core personality traits like being creative, organised, standing up for myself, being close to family, valuing another person’s opinion, my humour (ahemm…clears throat), being a problem solver, having positive and progressive in thinking would have been there regardless of my health issues.
But, being sick has meant that I haven’t been able to eat what I would like to, socialise, travel, dance and pursue hobbies. The one that gets me the most is not being able to experience professions I was interested in.
My health is always playing a role in what I can and cannot do which has then restricted my life choices. These limitations have stifled my ability to explore the gifts I have because when the chronic fatigue sets in, when the body cries in pain or when the legs don’t want to move, my desire to pursue my potential becomes a chore.
When I push myself keeping the end goal in mind, a part of me is killing the joy I may have experienced had I not had my current challenges.
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- Living in Mumbai With a Disability [Including London & NYC]
- 7+ Mumbai Cafes Serving Gluten-Free & Catering to My Endometriosis & EDS Diet
So, would I have been a different person had I not been sick?
Yes I would have for sure.
But I also do understand that IF health hadn’t been my major life challenge, then I would’ve faced another hindrance because that’s how life is, it throws various obstacles and challenges you.
Here is where I’d argue – I and many like me do not just face health challenges or doctor challenges or needing-to-be-believed challenges or inaccessibility challenges, we ALSO face the challenges the average person faces on top of everything else we go through. (We all are obviously given varying proportions of this).
The average person has their health intact to fight through, but someone battling to turn and stand in the morning has to overcome so much more and spend most of their energy before they can even think to battle the everyday challenges the average able-bodied person has to.
I’m not belittling the challenges of any able-bodied person nor am I begrudging anyone, but I’m just saying how it is – I’m providing perspective.
Again, I’ll say this – yes chronic health issues have changed the course of my life. It has challenged my mental resolve more than anything I’ve ever faced and the challenges are lifelong with new additions and new things to learn along the way all while dealing with old flare ups resurfacing (well they never reeealllyy go away!).
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How Has Chronic Illness Changed Me?
I may not be working the way I’d like to or socialising how I’d like to or earning what I should be had I been able-bodied, but even then, a lot of my traits shine through and keep me going.
By being a spoonie, I have learnt valuable lessons which shape and enhance who I am in the most life-changing way possible.
So yes, I do not like that I am sick and I wish I hadn’t had to learn and evolve because of my illness, but I know I am a better person because of it (and no, I’m not glorifying being sick, I’m just saying like it is for me).
Now, what are those life changing lessons?
– I have huge appreciation for my body, of the human body – the way it functions, its complexities and also how valuable it is. So I guess when I see someone abusing it, disrespecting what they’ve been given despite knowing better, it definitely annoys me (to put it mildly).
– I’ve become a calmer person. Good health is just as mental as it is physical. Therefore a calm mind helps improve my clarity and my ability to make sound decisions.
– I’m more accepting and understanding of someone’s troubles and because I face my own, I feel I am able to give the space that’s required for the other person to feel respected and comfortable.
– I’m also more accepting of myself and my unconventional life graph.
– I’m definitely mentally stronger because of my health. I know that if I wasn’t, then getting a diagnosis, a treatment plan in place, sticking to it and working on improving my quality of life and standing up for myself so that I get the treatments I need would not be happening! You somehow learn how to fight for yourself.
– I was always appreciative of time, but when you require more hours to just help get your body started, or more subsequent hours and days of rest post a day out, you become extremely appreciative of the workable hours you do have and that’s what’s happened with me.
This also means that I have become better at letting go of petty things – laughing them off and moving on.
So again, being sick may have taken me away from fulfilling my potential the way I had dreamed of, but it has challenged me to rework that potential and grow. I love and respect the person I have become because of my challenges. I am grateful that I have been able to do that – it’s not easy and it requires me to work on it every day, every moment in fact. I try my best to maintain it. Some days I manage and some days I mourn the person I felt I could have been, which we’re all allowed to do because every emotion is valid as long as we don’t give space for such things to fester.
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That’s it! I know I usually don’t write like this, but I felt like it, I felt like sharing this spoonie thought of mine.
What do you think about this post or do you have a spoonie thought that’s been lingering in your mind which you’d like to share? I’m all ears for it and the comments section is always open for you, so please do share your thoughts.
Thank you for reading 🙂
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.
So agree that chronic illness changes us. Perhaps for the better though, in many ways as you say Shruti. I also think I’ve gotten to be a much stronger person. After all, we have to advocate for ourselves a great deal, which I think develops an inner strength.
Absolutely. But sometimes I think it’s for the better! Maybe my quality of life has gone down, but I’m more understanding, compassionate, and patient. I’m definitely more resilient.
When I moved to Asia, I thought that was my life defining moment – the moment in my life where I knew I could do anything. And for a while, it was like that. But then I got much sicker six years into my life in Asia and when that happened, that quickly replaced the fearlessness that comes with packing up and moving abroad. With sickness, now I know without a doubt that I can get through anything and that I handle things much better than healthy folks do. I guess you could say that’s my superpower!
Any kind of illness changes you though. Sending spoons, Shruti. Great article!
Thanks for sharing all your valuable insight and life lessons and perspectives. Always so insightful. Chronic illness I agree whether we like it or not, affect us and change us to a large degree. Part of why, I think, is because we’re forced to challenge certain staunch beliefs we might have held previously. So in a sense, it is also growth.