School life gets a whole load tougher when you have endometriosis and bullying thrown into the mix as you’re labelled a hypochondriac by students who see you in pain. Here’s how I got through it and the tips I would give to help someone manage this phase.
As always, before I dive into the tips, I feel it’s important to share the story behind the tips – what I went through and how I handled it.
If you would like to watch a video version of this post then you can here, or you scroll on to read:
My Story: School Work, Bullying and Endometriosis
I was 11, my periods had begun and I was only a month away from starting secondary schooling in a new school, under a new education system, with new kids, teachers, a new school route, in a new city – London.
I was born in London but I had never studied there, I spent my childhood in India. For me London was a place to holiday, not to go to school.
There was so much to adjust to. It was as if my life before that had been wiped clean. I wasn’t the same me anymore.
Relevant Read:
Everything was new and so was this pain. Endometriosis and PCOS were unforgiving on this 11 year old who had so much to adjust to – an 11 year old who had been thrown into the deep end by her body and the twists of life.
Sounds dramatic? Sadly, it was.
I had to grow up fast and I did.
I was always good academically and in sport, but endometriosis meant that no one in secondary school ever knew I even played sport – whereas being athletic and the sports captain back in India was a label I wore with pride.
As I went through seven years of schooling, I was lucky to make a few friends who were kind, loving and understanding of my pains.
I was also lucky to have had teachers I could be open with and discuss my medical problems freely. In fact, I remember holding onto my teacher during one of the lunch-breaks as I collapsed in pain – so they not just supported me mentally but physically too!
But yet, despite such support, my pains, my everyday strength was diminishing, my regular injuries (I was accident prone – or maybe it was the Ehlers-Danlos syndrome that I didn’t know about then that was playing up) were adding to my troubles – what I didn’t need in all this was to be bullied.
The trouble here was two-fold.
1. I was a strong academically. 2. I was always injured or in pain.
Many could not fathom the fact that I was doing well despite my challenges, so calling me a hypochondriac or attempting to shame me by copying me when I was in pain or sniggering at me when I would sit out of activities I couldn’t manage to do was their way of making me feel bad.
Read Here For:
- Endometriosis and Adenomyosis Natural Pain Relief
- My Diet for Endometriosis & Ehlers Danlos Syndrome
- My Thoughts & Tips: Chronic Illness and Relationships
A few girls even created a private club just to laugh at me and call me names in class.
They would pass notes to each other saying what a faker I was.
But there were a few things I was doing right that allowed me to remain sane and get through my time in school with consistently successful academic performances, and here’s what they were – here are my tips:
Tips: How to Manage School Work, Bullying and Endometriosis
1. Prioritise Assignments
Each subject brought with it homework – some of them were extensive and some were not so.
So I prioritised based on dates the assignments were due and I kept chipping away at the major essays I needed to write so that I wasn’t doing anything last minute.
I was also an art student and I loved creating so I left the work I enjoyed the most for when I had completed the work I didn’t enjoy so much.
It was my reward.
I dealt with the toughest things first so that I could feel more relaxed to do things that didn’t feel like a chore – in fact art was therapeutic and allowed me to be more expressive.
I also tried to be efficient enough that I never left my homework for the last day simply because if I was faced with a bad pain day, I would have a buffer and wouldn’t feel pressured to get homework or coursework done when I really needed to rest.
Once I turned 16, I started working on the weekends and this made me more efficient because it meant I had less time so my focus was at optimum levels when I did do course work.
2. Speak to Teachers
Just as vocal I was at home, similarly I was open to telling my teachers exactly what was happening with me.
In fact all I needed to do was to let my form teacher know and she relayed that information to all my subject teachers.
This meant that my teachers understood why I was grimacing in pain or if I needed to get to the toilet.
This open communication strengthened the bond of trust between me and my teachers.
3. School Counselling
Within the first couple of years at secondary school, my Head of Year saw my physical struggles and the bullying I was facing.
She suggested I see the school counsellor once a week.
She feared I would lose it mentally under all the physical and mental strain and this would be a sensible way to save me from that.
Out of all the decisions taken in my life – this rates as one of the best ever and here’s why…
At a very early age, around 13, I was being heard and understood – I was being guided and taught how to separate oneself from the issues others had that they happen to project on to me.
For example, if someone bullied me by believing I was faking my endometriosis and PCOS pain yet I was managing to do well and was liked by teachers – that someone was feeling jealous of the strength I was able to show.
The counsellor explained how troubled that person might be and I need to see their behaviour as their outlet of their troubles – I was a soft target – unfortunately it was not nice for me, but I needed to believe that none of this was personal.
I needed to detach myself from each conflict that was created in my mind by others.
I’m obviously not a counsellor so I can’t explain it so well – but her ability to show me my life with such clarity helped me simplify my thinking.
Every weekly session drilled these thoughts (and more):
- I am not responsible for what someone thinks or feels about me when I clearly haven’t done anything to them to feel so negatively about me.
- Other people’s issues are not mine to solve.
- My issues are mine to solve.
- My focus is balancing school work and health.
- Be truthful to myself.
By reducing my contact with avoidable anxiety inducing issues, I was helping my mental health and unknowingly at the time it was preparing me to grow stronger for the future.
It was teaching me how to separate the important and the unimportant. It was teaching me to be observant and develop an understanding of what and how to prioritise.
4. Be Present – Study
I made sure I studied and remained alert as much as possible during my actual classes by making proper detailed notes which I could revise through.
I was never one to study last minute before exams, so the fact that I studied throughout the year meant I didn’t need to revise too much before exams.
This kept me prepared and relaxed.
I actually had my first endometriosis laparoscopy during my A’Level exams and with the help of my amazing school friend, whatever I missed in school was shared by her through her notes but because I studied throughout the year, I was okay to miss days of revision and make it through my exams.
So I’ll always say, be as thorough as you can when you’re in class, it’ll give you additional time to rest.
5. Speak to Friends
With the very few and special friends I had, I was always honest with what was going on in my life and the pains I was going through.
By opening up to them, I was creating a comfortable space to be myself.
If I was in pain then I didn’t need to hold back and pretend to be brave when all I wanted to do was curl up in a chair during our lunch breaks together.
They understood because 1. they were kind, considerate and willing to listen 2. I was happy to be open with them.
6. Back Yourself
The pain you go through when facing any chronic illness be it endometriosis or PCOS along with their multiple symptoms of, for example, acne, heavy bleeding, hirsutism, fatigue and more – that is something only you the sufferer can know because you’re the one experiencing it.
Read Here For:
- My Battle with Endometriosis and Acne
- My Acne Skincare Remedies – Endometriosis & Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
- How to Handle Hirsutism & Acne if You Have PCOS
So no matter what someone says to you, or questions you, or makes fun of you – hold on to your truth.
Don’t start doubting or questioning the intensity of your pain, don’t start believing that maybe you’re feeling it more than you should.
Be realistic and pace yourself with your school work and then back yourself to do it.
And even then, if you can’t do it – be kind to yourself. Trust me, a couple of years down the line, much of how you did in one class or coursework won’t hold much value.
7. Deal with Bullies
Bullies can hurt on various levels – the mental and physical. They can kill your confidence and even make you question your existence or your truth.
What helped me was everything I explained in the school counselling section above and also me reminding myself of my truth – me backing myself.
I never verbally engaged with those who were mean to me because I was scared – I didn’t want trouble – I had my own issues to deal with and couldn’t afford to add to them.
Slowly, through counselling, I learnt to observe myself and realised the anxiety and fear I felt.
Whenever I experienced this, I reminded myself of my life’s battles – my life’s bigger picture – it soon showed me how insignificant these bullies were.
They didn’t experience the pain I had but they were clearly dealing with issues of their own – I felt bad for them and stayed focussed on me.
I soon turned into this no-nonsense person.
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I was ready to stand up to anyone who crossed their line with me or the ones I cared about. I wasn’t going to let anyone be mean to me especially when I caused them no harm.
Knowing what was valuable to me helped me understand what battles to take on and over time I have learnt that most aren’t worth it.
It’s really easy for me to give this as a tip, but it took a tremendous amount of work to actually implement it.
Plus we are all so different, dealing with varying issues under incomparable circumstances so take what you can from this.
Actually, everything I have said in this post has to be adapted to where you are in life – whether you are reading this for yourself or your young child facing a chronic illness please don’t take everything above as your truth too.
Re-work it, customise it for you. 🙂
Another post comes to an end and if you have any tips to share on this topic then please do write in the comments below.
Good luck on your health journey.
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I have a podcast too. You can check them out here along with their transcripts or if you don’t wanna read them then they’re available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts too.
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a patient and have created this platform to share my experiences. This is all purely informative and in no way am I providing medical advice. Please consult a medical professional.
Visiting from the Pod..I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience so much so young. You’re a real warrior!
Thank you Marya, very kind of you to reach out.